for you will never be replaced;

Saturday, May 20, 2006
2:31 AM

It's another sleepless nite 4 me... today went to e funernal... everything went well n smooth. Reach there around 930am..greeted everyone n sat beside him.His dad offered mi to have breakfast but i declined as i did not hv any appetite to eat.Sitting down quietly beside him... my eyes jus cant stop peeping on him as i really miss him so so so much tat how i wish i could grab him n hug him tight... but i can't...:(
At e table,sitting around were all his little cousins...everyone was rushing to fold e joss paper which needed to use 4 e ceremony...1 of hus uncle asked mi to help them out... so i also joined in e folding session.After not long... e praying ceremony started... his aunty(Helen) passed me a digtal camera ... she wans mi to help her take e procedure thru out e ceremony.I was a bit pai seh as it should be a solem ceremony n i'm there to take pics ... so funny.
Finally they have to sealed up e coffin.. so family,relative n frenz can go 4ward to look at him 4 e last time. So i was there to take everyone pictures.All his aunty held his grandmum over to c ... n all started crying... as 4 mi ... i could not control my tears too.I started crying n took pics at e same time. Everyone eyes was teary... really so sad. I saw him(zhen wei) thru e cam... i saw him holding back his tears n being veri strong.I walked over to him n tapped on his shoulder..i did not say anything as i'm not sure of wat to say...
Den e ceremony contiuned n we proceed to mandai cremantorium.At e veiwing hall waiting to c e coffin pushed in,all agreed to not to cry loudly as tata leave us is a gd thing as he dun need to suffer e pain.Slowly seeing e coffin pushed in everyone call out tata ask him rest in peaced n stuff... tears started rolling on everyone faces... including mi ...Finally everything done n all went back to his grandfather hse.There were buffet 4 all... after my lunch... he n his family sitting in e living room.A few of his cousins saw mi sitting alone came over to chat wif mi.They knew abt our broke up n came to console me... they were all veru sad to hear tat we broke. N everyone who saw mi ask y n they told mi they saw his current gf n stuffs... i'm acting brave in front of them... n deep down my heart i'm crying out loud . Feeling so pressured as everyone asked me wat happened n did not asked him.Really tired of saying it cos a time i repeat e story a cut in my heart again.Well its all my fault to have caused things to be like tat.I told them tat as long he's happy wid his current gf n life now let him be... dun ask or pressure him as he's sad n fan now wif sum stuffs.Zhenwei left wid mi ,we took a cab ... i sent him to e nearest MRT station as he's going to meet up his gf.After he alight,my eyes filled wif tears...i cant control my emotions... my mood was to e lowest 2day. As i know tat 4 sure i can't get to see him liao... i'm veri selfish to say as i 'm using his grandfather's funeral to take a look at him. I'll attend e funeral not onli a respect to tata but also a chance 4 me to see n be at his side.I really wish to hug him n say I LOVE U. I know u all must be sian wif my post 2day... but sorry i jus suddenly feel veri emotional. As now i'm crying ... cos my heart bleeding sorry everyone i'll try to cheer up... so sorry